Torn Between Abortion and Keeping Baby: How to Decide

Abortion or keeping the baby? If you’re struggling to decide, you’re not alone.

Learning you’re unexpectedly pregnant can be the biggest shock of your life.

That shock can quickly spiral into confusion, frustration, and fear.

Fear of the unknown future and what your life might look like from this point forward.

Pregnancy decisions and outcomes (P.S., You’re not alone)

These are all reactions we’ve seen from women who have entered the doors of the Pregnancy Resource Center, unsure where to turn after taking a positive pregnancy test.

In this post, we’ll discuss some things to think about while you weigh your options.

And remember: We have nurses available to talk through each option with you at any time (just use the widget on your screen to chat now).

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This post medically reviewed by on-staff nurse, Tomi Matlock, RN.

Note: The information on this website is intended for general education purposes only and should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional medical advice.

Your Values and Goals

First, let’s jump to one thing you should be proud of: The fact that you’re torn between abortion – and anything else – is worth noting.

In a world that shouts from the rooftops that abortion is no big deal- your heart may be telling you otherwise.

You’ve taken the time to consider this decision. You have searched online for answers and landed on this page.

You could have simply moved forward with an abortion, but something has made you stop and pause.

Thinking through all the outcomes of a pregnancy decision is very wise, because each decision can impact you in different ways over time.

When you think about what you value in life, and what you hope for in the future, how does each of these choices reflect your values?

Let’s take it a step further and look at each choice:

1. Abortion

With abortion, you know that unless the procedure fails (which happens about 5.26% of the time with the abortion pill) — you will no longer be pregnant.

It sounds simple and easy.

And it’s true that you can likely return to your normal activities after some time and continue with life as planned.

Maybe no one will even know.

Of course, you will know. And your own memories and knowledge of the experience will stay with you, possibly for a lifetime.

Abortion: Big picture

With the abortion pill, you may have intense bleeding and sickness; you may see your fetus (baby) as you pass it, which can be traumatic.

Many women do regret their abortions. It’s an under-reported truth, that women may struggle with sadness, depression and anxiety after an abortion.

One in-depth study found an 81% increase in mental health problems after terminating their pregnancy.

textured graphic with text "Many women struggle with sadness, depression and anxiety after an abortion"

Your ability to have future healthy pregnancies is something to consider, too.

Abortion providers minimize these risks (or rarely mention them) because they profit from your decision and don’t have to deal with the after-effects.

See our post on all the risks that come with abortion, so you can be fully informed before making this choice.

2. Parenting (keeping the baby)

When you decide to keep your baby and let your pregnancy continue, of course there are physical and emotional factors you will experience that come with pregnancy.

You may have morning sickness, aches and pains as your body grows and prepares for eventual labor.

Your body will go through numerous changes. You will want to eat well and take care of yourself to have a healthy pregnancy.

If your relationship with the baby’s dad is good, it can be a positive bonding experience. If it’s not so good, pregnancy can be harder emotionally.

(That is where Pregnancy Resource Centers come in, though – in any circumstance, we’re here to support you with zero-cost care.)

In either case, emotions can shift a lot in any direction, throughout your pregnancy.

How you feel about being pregnant today may not be how you feel even a few weeks from today.

Beyond Pregnancy

Pregnancy can be really hard, no doubt!

But most women report that the pain or discomfort of pregnancy is worthwhile once their baby arrives.

Some of those emotions that come with seeing your baby for the first time just can’t be explained – only experienced.

There are financial considerations: prenatal care, baby supplies and ongoing expenses of raising a child.

At the Pregnancy Resource Center, we can also help you navigate these obstacles and make a plan going forward.

African American woman sitting in a beautiful park using a laptop.

We have services that can help you even beyond pregnancy, to get you to a comfortable place as a new parent.

Overcoming obstacles

Some women (and men) feel like they didn’t have a good role model growing up and worry they won’t be able to be a good parent themselves.

Our opinion? You can learn what your parents did not, and you can overcome your past to become the parent you wished you had in your own life.

We offer hundreds of classes to help you learn parenting skills and heal from the past.

Parenting, like pregnancy, is never easy. It requires dedication, hard work, love and patience.

But like many things in life that are unknown– it can, for many parents, be the biggest reward in life.

3. Adoption

If you are still torn between abortion and keeping your baby, you might be wondering about adoption.

Adoption is a word that seems to have a stigma or a negative association.

Women who have been in foster care or in an unhealthy adoption situation certainly may feel like they could not place their child in the same circumstance they faced.

We get that. Your feelings and experiences are real, and valid.

Adoption is NOT an easy choice, and it’s not for everyone.

What positive adoption stories have in common

Having a positive adoption experience largely depends on choosing a reputable agency who truly has your best interest in mind.

Textured graphic with text "Adoption is not an easy choice. Take your time. Talk to counselors who will listen and care about what you value.

You need an organization you can trust and who seriously cares about your values and matching your desires with the best outcome for your child.

Having time to process your feelings and know for sure that adoption is the best scenario for your child, is so important.

And having knowledgeable support can help you make a decision you will be comfortable with, at the end of nine months.

A good agency will not only help you during the adoption process but also provide long-term emotional support, often for free.

Just know you can always change your mind, if you initially plan on adoption and then decide you are comfortable parenting, instead.

Pregnancy Support is a Game Changer

Most women who have abortions do so because they feel like they don’t have the support, money or care that they need from their family or partner.

Pregnancy support services such as pregnancy resource centers, maternity homes and adoption agencies all have ways to help ease those burdens.

Why do we care about your pregnancy decisions?

It’s simple: we believe your life, and your unborn child’s life, has infinite value.

You both have a purpose and a future that’s full of potential.