You have taken the pregnancy test and found yourself to be pregnant. You share the news with your parents. Maybe with a close friend.
However…you need to talk to the father of the baby. This may be a nerve-wracking thought, but in this article, we’ll give some tips on how to talk with him about the future.
We’ll discuss how to prepare yourself to deal with both toxic and supportive responses.
Process and Prepare
Right now you may have a storm of emotions washing over you. The feelings of shock, denial, anger, and grief can be overwhelming. These are natural.
You’ll want to process your feelings (as best you can) before talking with the father of the baby. This journey of a newly discovered pregnancy – and the weight of that news- can be a lot to take in at first.
When you tell the father, remember that he is at a different point in this journey. His reaction may be similar to yours: shock, denial, anger, etc. His timeframe to process these feelings will be unique to him, not the same as you.
Be understanding as he proceeds on this path, and be prepared to give answers and directions as to what is next.
Having a strong relationship with your parents or other trusted adults will help you to be prepared. The best approach is to have a plan of action and affirmative statements before talking with him
Have Pregnancy Questions?
Reach out to the Pregnancy Resource Center of Mountain Grove.
His Response to the News
Every pregnancy story is as unique as the individuals who are involved. When you talk with the father of the baby, remember that he is not you. He has an upbringing and internal compass specific to him. He is male. Depending on his age, he will develop emotionally at a separate pace than you.
He is not the one carrying a new life. The physical and emotional reality of the pregnancy is much more personal to you. This does not mean he does not care or is incapable of empathy and concern. It means that his response to the news and the journey of the pregnancy will be his own.
One way to share the news of the pregnancy is to share an ultrasound picture – or bring him to your ultrasound at the Pregnancy Resource Center of Mountain Grove.
(You can hit the chat button on this screen to schedule your first visit with us.)
Often, seeing an ultrasound can help a guy process the reality of pregnancy. An ultrasound moves the baby from an idea to a reality. An ultrasound can help a father-to-be bond with the unborn baby.
Toxic Response to Pregnancy
It is possible that when you talk with the baby’s father you will receive a very negative response. In fact, that response may be downright toxic. In order to prepare for this there are a few things to remember and be prepared to stick to as non-negotiable.
Define roles – state early in the conversation that you are making decisions in this pregnancy. While he is welcome to be a positive participant in the pregnancy, the final say will come from you.
Set boundaries – you will set the level of involvement in your pregnancy. In a healthy relationship, an involved father is a wonderful thing. A toxic relationship or toxic response will require that you are steadfast in your beliefs and decisions about your pregnancy.
Establish responsibilities – the birth and care of a child will involve many responsibilities. Set the expectations for yourself and the father of the baby. Unspoken expectations will lead to disappointments, frustrations, and anger.
Seek legal protections – some actions and attitudes may require legal interventions to protect you and your baby. Read more about what to do if your boyfriend wants you to end your pregnancy:
Problem: Boyfriend Wants an Abortion (but I don’t)
The Pregnancy Resource Center can also connect you with resources to stay safe from an abusive relationship.
Want Help?
Talk it out at Pregnancy Resource Center of Mountain Grove.
Supportive Response to Pregnancy
Hopefully, when you talk with the father of your baby, he and his family will be supportive of your decision to carry your baby.
Even if he is supportive, there will still need to be established roles, responsibilities, and boundaries between the two of you. Clear expectations will help prevent interruptions in your relationship.
Work to foster a positive relationship with the father’s family. They will be grandparents soon, and you can expect them to be part of your child’s life in the future.
Parents can have their own expectations. In some situations, unmarried parents may anticipate that marriage will follow childbirth. Marriage can be a wonderful way to strengthen the bond between mother and father and establish a supportive and loving home for the child.
But, it must be what you want, and what the baby’s father wants. If you believe that you are being coerced into marriage, there are services available to help you protect your freedom.
It’s also important to note: Marriage is not the only option available for a positive parenting experience. Some couples may choose to co-parent instead. It is possible to have a healthy parenting relationship with the father of the baby without having to have a romantic one.
Co-parenting simply means you’ll both be involved in the baby’s life, even if you do not live together. When you co-parent, the mutual focus of raising a thriving child can unite the mother and father in a common goal.
This goal requires open communication, clarity of purpose, and mutually agreed-upon objectives.
Parenting is challenging, even for married couples. A good attitude and communication will go a long way to a successful parenting relationship.
Help Him Prepare for Fatherhood
Just as you may be discovering how to be a mother, the father of your baby will be discovering how to be a dad. A great place to start is at a local Pregnancy Resource Center.
Both of you can benefit from a listening ear. Plus, you can learn about relationships, childbirth, and parenting through courses — all provided FREE of cost.
And there are many other resources available to you that you might not even know about yet. For example, you both may need help with finding employment or continuing education so that you can help provide for your baby.
The Pregnancy Resource Center of Mountain Grove can guide you. Being prepared and proactive will help foster a good relationship with the father and a healthy pregnancy for you and your baby.
Hit the chat button on your screen for more information, or contact us today.
Read Next:
What to do when the father of the baby wants an abortion
Is my relationship toxic? Signs to watch for